On Fire

Last Friday I was supposed to receive my last dose of regular radiation (with five "boosts" to follow...) I arrived at the clinic in excutiating pain and tears. The radioligist came out to the waiting room and I told him that I wouldn't go to radiation again until I saw a nurse. He compassionately lead me back to an examine room, took a look, called in his nurse and left the room. After a few minute two nurses came in; one put gel packs for my burns while the other grabbed tissue for my tears, then she looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You have the right to say No More. You are not a baby, these are bad burns, you have a right to say No More."

After the gel packs (which helped a lot) and more numbing cream (which I had to pull over twice in my hour long travel to LaCrosse to apply), I was wrapped in numbing pads and sent home with two presrciptions for high powered pain killers. Both of which I have needed in the past two days in order to keep from intense, burning pain.

I am done with radiation. The doctor is encouraging me to continue. The nurses are telling me I can say, "No More!." I know I am not a whimp...and I know I am hyper-sensitive to many things...metals...certain chemotherepies...foods...

I am finished with radiation...I have to be...I know what it feels like to be on fire and it is something I would never chose for myself or anyone else.

Way in the back of my mind I am thinking, "This is the end...all of the cancer treatments are done." I am waiting for the strength to declare myself healed...maybe after the burning stops...then healing can truly begin!

Love you all! Thanks for reading!